Liya,

Thank you for sharing your non-fiction story! It must have been really exciting to go on a school trip with a friend. I find it interesting that you described you and Jiahuan as being pretty independent from the majority of the group.You two seem to enjoy eachohters company and do your own thing together which is nice.

The only critique I have would just be some grammar details and misspellings here and there that you might want to review before submitting the final. But all in all I enjoyed your story and cant wait to hear it presented!

Crystal ,

Thank you for sharing your story. I really liked the way you used descriptive language to describe the feeling you had when you were able to wake up in your room and not worry about going to school. I thought it was really visually pleasing to imagine waking up in a cloud with the sun on your face and birds chirping.

I too was so happy about the pandemic when it first started because I felt like I was getting a much needed break from work and school but once school stayed online and I went back to work it was NOT fun! I couldnt focus on anything.

All in all I think your story was very nice. I thought for a second it was going to be about a really bad injury so I’m glad youre okay. If there was any critique I have it would be to spend a little more time talking about the fund raiser since that seems to be what youre alluding to in the greater part of the story.

Again thank you for sharing!

Alyssa DiTota

Argho,

thank you for sharing your non-fiction essay! I like how you started the essay with a conversation between you and your dad. It helped to start the reader off with a firm idea about the setting and what the story is about.

It must have been challenging to move to the United States, I think you illustrated how isolating it can be when you wrote about something not feeling right as many people passed by you during the school day. I think its funny the way you wrote about the school lunch being chicken nuggests and fries. Its funny how adults call it feeding your mind, but the food they serve is not healthy at all.

Its nice that you succeeding in the math test lead to you feeling a little more confident in your abilities!

I liked youre story! One critique would be that I would like to read a little bit more about how you felt when your name was on the list!

Thank you for sharing

Alyssa

Theodore,

Your story is extremely imaginitive and fun! I enjoyed reading it very much. I always find your work to be very unique. It was very funny and as I was reading it I was imagining a cartoon in my mind. I love stories like this because It really brings the world around us to life.

I was a bit confused by the characters, just because their names were so similiar to one another. And my only other crtiique would be the layout of the document. It was a little confusing to follow along.

But mostly, I think your piece was imaginitive and fun and I thank you for sharing it!